What I've Done
by Forever Greaser Forever Golden
Summary: He was changed. He was gone. No matter what I tried to think differently, he won't be the same. The war had changed him, and now he's gone. Instead, theirs someone else in his shoes, tearing us apart. The war had changed Sodapop Curtis.
1. Chapter 1 What it came to

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.**

**Tell me if you like it...Don't worry. Next chapter will be longer and juicier. **

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He was gone.

I could barely stand it, even if I was supposed to be superman. I tried to stay strong, but I couldn't. Not even for Pony, could I hold up my guard. Soda was gone, no matter what.

He was changed.

I never knew war could change someone like him. I thought he was strong, but I knew he feared. He was my brother, and I should've done something, instead of letting him go off to war, to **kill**.

It's tearing us apart.

Anyone could see we were falling apart. Even if they didn't know us, all they had to do is look at us, and they would see that was happening. It was that visible.

Pony got the worst of it.

I could easily tell Pony had changed to. He always had looked up to Soda, for guidance, for a big brother. But now, Soda's going the wrong way, and Pony is confused on whether to follow him or not. It tears me apart seeing him..

Day by day, I watch.

I watch the days go by, hoping that one day I would wake up and everything would be the same before Soda was drafted. I remember the day clearly. I remember the tears, the cries for Soda not to go, and Pony.

Pony took it hard.

When he found out about Soda, he was stricken with sadness that Soda was going to die over there. Soda assured him that he would come back.

Soda didn't come back.

Soda did came back, but not him. He's still over there, while a different Soda is here, tearing his life apart; tearing everyone's life apart.

Day after day, I pray.

I pray to God he would get Soda back to normal. That Soda would return, and leave his other life behind.

But I know that won't happen.

S oda's gone, no matter what….because of the stupid damn **war**.

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	2. Chapter 2 Fate

**Thank you to all who reviewed! I hope to get more readers for this chapter and the rest of the story. **

**I don't own The Outsiders**

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"This can't be happening..." Soda said as tears streamed down his face, "I can't go over there!" He was by now full out crying, while gripping the letter tight.

"Don't worry, Pepsi-Cola, I'll do what I can. I won't let you go off to war," I reassured him, while hugging him tight. It didn't help, because he only cried more. I hated to see him cry, but I couldn't do anything. It's hard to make someone happy when they're going off to war, to fight. I could only sit here and let him cry, and hold him like a brother should.

"I can't go, Dar! I-I don't want to get k-killed...I'm too young!" He looked me straight in the eye, as if this would be the end of his life.

"Soda, I'll do what I can," I said and put my hand on his shoulder, "but I will not let you go off to war."

I knew I shouldn't have said it, but what else would I have said to him? Don't go get killed in war, be safe? It's difficult to say things to Soda; he's different from if I was talking to Pony.

Pony.

I didn't know how he would take this. He takes thing hard, especially if it's stuff he knows. He acts different from everyone else, and that's what makes him a different person. But sometimes it's hard to reach him. He'll lock himself up, and break away from everyone.

Just then, Pony walked in.

XXX

"This can't be happening," Pony yelled, "this isn't happening!"

"Pony," I reached out to him, but he flinched away.

"No," he repeated, while backing towards the door, "No!" With that, he turned around and sprinted out the door. I stood up to get him, but Soda grabbed my arm.

"Let me go get him."

I nodded, and Soda took off after him.

XXX

"Pony," Soda called yelled from behind me, "Ponyboy!"

I ignored him, and kept my eyes in front of me. I couldn't go back. I didn't want to go back.

"Stop, Pony!" Soda yelled louder, sounding further away. I finally stopped; knowing running wouldn't get me anywhere. Soda finally caught up to me and ran in front of me.

"Why did you run?" he asked seriously.

"I don't want you to leave! I don't want you to go to war! It's not fair...they're taking you from me! You could get killed! I don't want you to go!" I could already feel tears running down my face. I didn't stop them; I knew I would cry no matter what.

"Pone, I know you don't want me to leave, hell, I don't want to leave either! But I don't have a choice. Darry's going to try to get me out of this, so don't give up hope."

"What if he can't?"

Soda took a deep shaky breath. "Then I have to go. But don't lose your trust in me. I promise I'll come back, no matter what."

"That's a big promise."

"I know, but I won't break it."

He was sure of himself. How did he know that he could live through war? "Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

XXXX

They came back a few hours later, both looking tired.

"You okay Pone?" I asked, concerned about how Pony acted. What did he say to Soda?

He nodded, and went past me to his room. I looked at Soda.

"Give him some time, he took it hard."

I nodded, just as Steve stormed in, saying a colorful line of words and holding a letter.

"I've been fucking drafted!" he yelled, causing Soda to jump from his tone.

"You too?" I asked.

"What do you mean? Someone else been drafted?" Steve asked, looking from Soda to me.

Soda handed Steve the letter. "Read it."

Steve took out the draft letter, read it over, then looked up at us. "Those damn bastards! You can't go to war, Soda. You ain't made for war. I don't matter, so it don't matter if I get killed! But you…you got a family, Soda!"

"Steve, don't say that," Soda said in a very serious tone, "you are important; to us, to me."

"Yeah, whatever."

"At least I'll know someone there," I said, and got a sad look from Darry.

XXX

Steve was drafted also.. This wasn't fair. Our gang was splitting up. Now, all is left is Two-Bit, Darry, and me. That really isn't a gang.

I may not like Steve, but that doesn't mean I want him dead. I think of him as a friend. We may not talk as much, but I don't hate him.

What if Steve did die in war? Soda couldn't take it. Steve and him are best buddies. If either had a problem, they would help each other. If either had a bad day, they would cheer the other one up. Steve actually cared about Soda more than most things, and Soda cared about Steve too.

It would be hell if something happened to either of them. Hell for both the gang, and either one of them.

XXXX

"Ponyboy," Darry said from behind my closed door, "can I come in?'

"Yeah," I replied, and sat up. I knew Darry wanted to talk about earlier, but I didn't want to.

He opened the door and stepped inside. He sat next to me on my bed.

"You okay kiddo?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Look," he took a deep breath, "I hate that Soda is going to war too. I would do anything to make him stay, but I don't think I can. But no matter what, you got to stay strong. I know you aren't the best for situations like this, but you got to promise me. Ya dig?"

"Yeah, I do."

But I knew I would break it.

**I hope this turned out okay. I tried to make it believable. Review please, they encourage me to write. (:**


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